Evo to Make Deodorant Mandatory in 2015

Written by Taryn Beach

Personal hygiene at events like E3 and PAX has been a hot button topic of discussion amongst convention goers for a while and it appears the organizers behind the mega fighting game tournament Evo are the first to take action. In a press release issued today by Nathan Soitomo (Director of Competition), “Deodorant will be mandatory for all competitors at Evo in 2015 and beyond.” Director Soitomo went on further stating that the controversial decision was made to “ensure the most level playing field possible.”

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According to this man, deodorant will help the competitive balance in future tournaments because the unadulterated natural musk is performance enhancing as it sends others into a frenzied and often aroused state.

Soitomo intimated that the decision was difficult, but in the end was the best move going forward for what is considered the crown jewel of fighting game tournaments the world over. The press release detailed that Soitomo and his team came to this decision based on reports of data collected over the last 5 years which indicated that at least 65 percent (and in some years up to 80 percent) of the top 8 finishers in every tournament were not wearing deodorant. What may be even more surprising is that the performance advantage did not end at the fight sticks either. The reports indicated that every competitor that did not wear deodorant or shower, regardless of their finishing placement (or gender), experienced a 46 percent higher success rate in hooking up with hot women over the course of the Evo weekend.

Soitomo said Evo will encourage all exhibitors, media, and spectators to also wear deodorant to ensure those competing do not feel they are at any sort of social disadvantage as a sign of respect to the greatest competitive gamers in the world.  “We at Evo understand that many of our competitors and fans that travel great distances to attend our event may be showering and wearing deodorant for the first time in their lives and we owe it to them to make the situation as comfortable and natural as possible.  We appreciate your continued support of Evo and look forward to seeing you again in 2015.”



[Just in case you still haven’t figured it out. This is totally a joke and not real.]

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Taryn Beach

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