Editorials Features

Trolling the Fanboys

Written by Barry Villatoro

We’ve all heard the arguments, the debates and the flat-out fanboying. Playstation 3 sucks because of this, Xbox 360 sucks cause of that, PC’s are the greatest. Don’t worry, I’m not here to tell you why a certain platform is the best. I’m here to put them all on a level playing field and say why they all suck. Then maybe, just maybe, some fanboys will be able to see that a gamer’s choice of platform is nothing more than preference. With that, it’s lets get to it.

*puts on flame-retardant suit*

Xbox 360

Xbox Live – “You get what you pay for.” This is an expression I personally believe and that it applies to most consumer purchases in life, except here. Some believe it’s a superior service that they’re happy to pay for, maybe. The service isn’t better then say PSN, it’s slightly more user friendly yes, not $60 user friendly. Stop right there, no it’s not. Gamers may say, “It can’t be hacked, has it been hacked yet?” You’re dumb. That’s like saying you can’t die because you haven’t died yet. “Oh you have Netflix? Well you can’t use it on the $250 console you bought from us until you give us another $60, just because.” If the ability to game with your friends was not coupled into your Xbox Live subscription, most wouldn’t pay for it.

Red Ring of Death – Many gamers know of the rage, hurt, betrayal and sadness left behind after seeing the beautiful green glow of your Xbox 360 turn red. This means you’re S.O.L. Even the NES worked for years, didn’t matter if you had to blow into it, at least you had a system that still worked. Not the 360, once it’s done working for you, that’s it, go buy another one. It’s not Microsoft’s fault really, they never had this problem with the original Xbox, right?

Exclusives – Oh man! I can already hear the fanboys screaming at me! Calm down for one second and listen. Yes, exclusives. I know there are a lot of exclusives on XBLA, I’m talking triple A games. “Doesn’t matter if they’re Triple A!” Ok then, by your logic, Wii has the largest library of exclusives. “Exclusives don’t matter because multi-platform games sell better.” Of course they do, they’re multi-platform. Also, say that to Gears of War 3’s numbers, exclusive and huge. Seriously, Xbox 360 could use some more exclusives.

Playstation 3

PSN– I know I may have inferred above that PSN is a better service than Xbox Live, but yes, it’s also dumb. “Hey man, let’s play a game. Wait you’re not showing up. Ok, there you are, I sent a request. Not working? Log out and in again. Ok, let’s break party and try again. Just exit the game, ok, they you are.” One of the many conversations you may have playing on PSN. I guess it’s ok, PSN is not only free, it comes with a free mini-game called “Try to get this shit to work properly.” At least we know that Sony loves to make their products user friendly. Just like the plug-and-play headsets, no need to go through a stupid set-up just to get your headphones and mic to work.

Install – There’s nothing better then coming home with a new game, getting your snacks and refreshments together, sitting down to play and then having to watch your game install. “It doesn’t take that long!” Shut up, it’s dumb and yes, sometimes it does take way more time then it should. I’ve waited thirty mins to have a game install, just to have it error and then had to start the whole process again.

Downloads – Not only am I mentioning the update that come every couple of weeks and take 40 min, but also just downloading anything in general. How in the hell is it okay that when you download anything on PS3 that it becomes a paperweight? I have had numerous occasions of downloading a game from PSN, only for it to have to download an update for the game that will take longer then downloading the game itself and then being told I can’t download it in the background! DUMB.  Also, what the hell  is up with the speed?


PCs themselves – PC fanboys may be my favorite, “1000 frames per second!” “I can use a controller too.” “I don’t have to buy a new console every couple years.” “Have fun with your 20 frames per second.” “Power overwhelming!” PC fanboys spend some much time and money on their PC’s then tell you how great they are. You know what else people spend a lot of time and money on? Old, broken down cars.PC fanboys don’t need to buy a new console, they just have to upgrade everything in their current PC. “I’m not going to buy a new car, just spend the time and money to get a new engine and then have it put in. See, that’s why my car is better.”  “I can build a beast of a rig in 2 weeks with a couple hundred dollars.” Uh huh and how long did it take you to acquire this knowledge? During those two weeks I’ll be playing video games.



About the author

Barry Villatoro

Twitter : @IamWeapon | Former citizen of Azeroth and Atreia | Favorite fighting game - DefJam: Fight for New York | Favorite RPG - FF6 | MMA | Sushi | ATV's |


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