Lollipop Chainsaw – Girl Approved

A game with zombies, chainsaws and sparkles is already my cup of tea. Throw in a cute, butt-kicking female lead and I’m all for it! Lollipop Chainsaw is chalk full of sparkle, dumb sex jokes and enough mid-fighting up-skirt shots to satisfy every mouth-breathing mega geek on the planet.

The main protagonist is Juliet Starling, an 18 year girl much like myself; only she has the luxury of being a very acrobatic cheerleader, and to top it off is a “Zombie Hunter” from a family of many. She fights to protect her school and hometown from the undead with her amazing bedazzled chainsaw. Sound good so far? Sadly the story doesn’t get into much depth from then on.

Surprisingly, Juliet isn’t as slutty as she appears. Although very ditzy, I enjoyed playing as her. Even more so, the commentary between her and her decapitated head of a boyfriend Nick is one of the more better parts of the story. Nick is latched onto her belt and hangs there making witty comments every so often but he isn’t useless, he can be used as a weapon during game play by being put onto the body of a select zombie and used to destroy barriers. Nick isn’t the only weapon you can use. In addition to the chainsaw, Juliet also acquires a few other weapons in game to use that range from a “Chainsaw Blaster” which is a simple gun, to just basic punching with her little pom poms. I can assure you this isn’t your basic hack and slash, the weapons you come in face with are far from in between. I felt this game was a great break from the cookie cutter shooters we have been seeing so much of lately.

The graphics are very vibrant and comic book-like. Dump glitter all over your favorite 80’s comic and you have a good idea of what you’re going to be seeing. They are very nice and run smoothly thanks to the never disappointing Unreal Engine. Do not let the good looks of the game fool you, the story becomes very far-fetched and idiotic. This game definitely makes you scratch your head and wonder “What in the hell did I just watch?”. The variety of levels are decent and so with different zombies you encounter. The zombies in this game come in all shapes and sizes and are not the regular stereotypical zombies. Trust me when I say you will not know what to expect throughout this whole thing. You can get through the campaign fairly quickly and more than 80 percent of what you need to do is just mash the chainsaw button until your hand starts to ache.

You collect gold coins and zombie medals by killing the enemies or saving classmates. They can be used to upgrade your health, buy new combos, outfits etc. in a little shop that is spread around the campaign more than you’ll really ever need. Lollipops are consumed by Juliet to keep her health up and boy, this game will not let you forget it. In every song, scene and nearly every where you look there is a lollipop reference. With all the crazy flips and pole dancing moves this chick does I am surprised she hadn’t impaled herself on one. The soundtrack while playing is heavy garage band metal and can get very nauseating at times of listening to it over and over. The boss fights are tedious and just plain ridiculous to watch. I found myself struggling to control Juliet during combat and keep up with everything they required me to do. The game was very skimp on directions and often I had to make a guess on what it wanted of me. Even after buying the best combination in the game for her I felt it didn’t do any more damage than much anything else I could have gotten. I think one of the biggest downfalls of the game is how many loading screens and interruptions you face that completely disrupt your feel and mode of gaming. Countless times I was ready to just kick some more zombies rear ends and the game forcibly stops you to answer a phone for a whole minute with no compelling story to add, just simply her mother saying “I’m baking you a cake.” or a sparkling, slow rainbow sequence showing a combo you had just received. It was the same sensation you get when you are itching to reach your destination and after being so close you are stopped and have to wait at a red light.

After a certain point the game got to be too annoying and the repetition in every chapter became agonizing that I just wanted to be done. Even after I finished the game I felt little desire to go back and play again to earn more achievements or buy more outfits because of the struggle it was just to get through it.

All in all, if you are looking for a long game with substance and compelling action look elsewhere. But if you are into sitting back and enjoying a crazy game that is different from any other game you have ever played whilst not taking it too seriously then you will have fun with this game.