E3 2015 News

Dancing Zombies, THEHOOPGAWD, and how EA shit the bed this E3

Written by Austin Griffith

The year is 2015. Gamers are up in arms over the lack of gender equality in gaming. We want serious, well thought out, intelligent stories filled with beautiful vistas and intelligent stories. EA is bringing it to us, too! With the announcement of an all new Mass Effect, a whole new expansion for Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic focusing on “the type of story telling fans want,” and Star Wars: Battlefront bringing the future of story telling to us.

Why, oh why, then EA, do you act so immature? Okay, sure, bringing out a Zombie superhero on the stage is kind of funny, I guess. We all like dancing zombies right? Heh. Heh. I guess that’s okay. I mean, we all love Plants vs. Zombies and the Zombies are funny, so that’s no big deal. Garden Warfare is a game that appeals to the younger fans, so having a little gimmick like this isn’t a big deal.

Then it got bad. Introducing: THE HOOP GAWD. Yes, because who ever this Gawd of Hoops is, he’s important enough to spend five minutes fiddling with an app over. Featuring one of  the most awkwardly stiff script readings in E3 history, this small addition to the conference did nothing but embarrass both parties and give me some time to get a snack.

They can come back from this though, right? Electronic Arts is no clown carnival. They know what they’re doing, right?

“Introducing Minions Paradise!”

God help us all. Really? I get it, kids love these idiotic minions, and yeah sure, games like this certainly do well.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just my personal distaste for these stupid things, but was wasting a solid chunk of time talking about this stupid little micro-transaction money-pit necessary?

Anyway, on to the sports. This is where EA excels best and this is where they’ll do the best right? Oh, the most famous soccer player ever is coming on stage to speak with us about the game? That’s cool! Pele is pretty famous…

Except he’s just telling us stories. Telling us personal stories and then occasionally being pulled back to talk about the game. This is ridiculous. Oh hey guys! Remember when I talked to Pele on stage three minutes ago!? Yeah!? C-c-cause I did!

I hate to say it, but EA really shit the bed with this one. At least a good portion of it.

Update: moments after publishing, EA’s official stream died, right before they began the section on Star Wars: Battlefront.


About the author

Austin Griffith

Austin Griffith owns LevelSave.com

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